Are You Born With It?

by Claudia Good Posted on May 21, 2012

I have a question. Something that I have been wondering for a while now, and the topic keeps coming up over and over in my mind.

Just this evening Michael and I watched a video of a guy giving a speech on dreams. He was obsessed with being a writer from a young age, so much so he skipped college and went right onto pursuing his writing career. I started to think about my question again.

Why do some people seem to pop out of the womb with what seems like tunnel vision towards a dream and others seem to wander and experiment and dabble till they maybe find something they enjoy?

Did you ever meet someone that was single-mindedly pursuing a dream, while the guy next to him was experimenting with 10 different majors in college? I’m not saying one is right and one is wrong, I’m just wondering if there is a way to become single minded about a dream if your not there in the first place?

Or, are we all singleminded dreamers at some point in our lives and the dreams are discouraged or simply not encouraged so we push them away and forget them?

I have a nephew that has always had a knack for making money and he loves dreaming about different ways to do so.

A few years ago (so the story goes), my brothers baked brownies with him. Without them realizing it, he disappeared for a bit. A little while later, he came strolling in with $30. They asked where he had been and where he got the money. He reported he had sold some of the brownies to the neighbors. He was 7.

His latest endeavor is a nonprofit bracelet business to help troubled kids.

So, are people born with single minded passion about a dream, or does it come through lifestyle or parenting or personality?

These are my thoughts and therefore I pose the question to you. What do you think?

Question: Is a dream inside of us from the get go, or do some people have to go through a searching process before they ever have a dream?

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  • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

    I think it’s a case of both. Some people just KNOW what they’re born to do or how to do something. Kind of like your nephew.

    Others wander around aimlessly trying to figure it out. It might be due to a lack of affirmation or that they’re scared to fully realize their specialness.

    • http://alanamokma.wordpress.com/ Alana Mokma

      Joe, I can relate to your comment about a lack of affirmation. I feel like if I had been more affirmed by key people in my life, I would be more confident to pursue the things I am interested in. I find that even if some people tell me I am good at things, I don’t truly believe it.

      • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

        It’s amazing what a lack of positive affirmation can do to a person. I remember being told I wouldn’t continue with this or that because my brother or some other person never followed through.

        Now my wife affirms me and, just like you, it’s hard to truly believe the positive affirmation.

        Messed up, huh?

        • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

          I can relate to this struggle as well… I am quick to feel defeated without encouragement… possibly it depends more on personality type?? Because I know people who didn’t get ANY positive affirmation and they are still single mindedly pursuing their dreams… it almost makes their desire stronger with some, where with others it is totally defeating.

          Just wondering?? Thoughts… ??

          • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

            I’m not sure. Maybe they just have a stronger will than some of us?

          • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

            I’m not sure. Maybe they just have a stronger will than some of us?

          • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

            hmmm interesting. Stronger will… I will ponder that :)

  • Ann Musico

    Wow – great question, Claudia. I personally think it has much to do with how we are raised – our home life. I was raised in the 60′s and 70′s and it was still a time when most girls were raised to be secretaries, teachers or nurses and then to stay home and raise a family. I had other issues growing up in an alcoholic home and it’s taken me MUCH longer to find the dream and there are days when I’m still wondering. My children on the other hand each seem to have always been pretty sure of their call – my oldest is a talented and amazing writer, my younger son has always loved sports and particularly baseball and has a Masters in Sport Management and blogs about baseball and my daughter has always loved young children and wanted to be a teacher and she is entering her senior year in college in Sept. and beginning student teaching next spring. It thrills me to see that in them.

    I think our personalities, upbringing, environment all have an influence on how and when we find the dream. Your nephew sounds like an amazing young man! He’s obviously going to do great things!

    • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

      I agree Ann! He is going to do great things!!

      So, do you feel like your kids got off to a faster start in this area than you did?? This subject is so near and dear to my hear, so I would love to hear your take on it…

      • Ann Musico

        I most definitely do think they got a faster start than I did – despite the mistakes my husband and I made along the way – all God’s grace!

  • Donna Yates

    I have asked this same question for years! I have know folks that seem to know exactly what they want to do in life and love getting up everyday to go do it. I love learning about health related issues but haven’t found that one health job that I just love to go to. I also, love many many other things too. So, unlike your nephew, I’m still seeking my dream. He sound like an amazing young man. I always taught my children to seek after what they love to do. My daughter is a fashion designer in NY and my son works as a Logistics Analyst. Both, however, tell me this is still not exactly what they want to do for the rest of their lives. They thought it was but now they are seeking for more clarity. I know talent, upbringing and our environment play a big role in shaping our lives. Maybe some of us are destined to do many many great things!

    • http://alanamokma.wordpress.com/ Alana Mokma

      Donna – I love what you said at the end “… maybe some of us are destined to do many many great things!” This actually brings me both peace and excitement! Maybe there ISN’T just one thing that we each are supposed to do with our lives… maybe there are many many adventures we could be having if we began saying “yes” to opportunities!

      • Donna Yates

        Alana,
        I believe that! I love to do many things and have come to believe that that’s ok. I love antiques and vintage clothing so I sell on Etsy. I too love to inspire people to be better so I try to help others in that area as much as I can. I love to do home remodeling so I’ve bought, remodeled both big and small and then sold for a profit. I love helping people with medical issues so I get lots of calls from my friends asking medical questions-kind of like “Ask a Nurse”. So, you see, I haven’t found just one thing I love, I’ve found many!

        ________________________________

        • http://alanamokma.wordpress.com/ Alana Mokma

          I am really encouraged right now. :) I feel like there are so many different things I love to do or WANT to do, it is hard to be focused on just one. You sound like a lady after my own heart. :)

          • Donna Yates

            I think there are many more of us than the one’s who know the one thing they love. What are your many loves??

            ________________________________

        • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

          Donna,
          I want to hear more about selling antiques and vintage clothing on Etsy. I just sold some of my antiques yesterday to a local dealer. Really love old things… how have you made out on Etsy?

          • Donna Yates

            Claudia,
            I have two shops on Etsy. One, Crancove, where I sell vintage women’s clothing and accessories. I started at the end of 2010 and have done fairly well so far. The other, Cranberry Cove Vintage, is where I sell antiques/vintage housewares, books, etc. The secret is to learn how to price reasonably, how to not underprice for your shipping and how to find the items to sell. That is the biggest challenge. I constantly look at garage sales, estate sales, antique stores, craigslist, anywhere I think I might find a bargain that I think will sell. I really LOVE doing this! If I could do enough to make a living at it, this is what I’d do.
            What antiques did you sell?

          • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

            Donna,
            Cool!!!!! I always tossed around the idea of doing Etsy but haven’t…
            Have you found it to be better than ebay??

            If we lived close by I would be right there with you at the garage sales, estate sales, auctions etc!!! Around here we have lots of mud sales. I haven’t gone to any… but I have heard you can get awesome deals.

            There is an auction close by that has cool stuff and I have thought of pursuing selling things through that route (buying at auction and reselling)… but it seem like a lot of work…. is it??

            i love, love, love antiques and, well, old things. Stone houses, old wood, old leather, old mirrors… def have a thing for old mirrors :) We are simplifying however, so I am scaling back. I sold an antique blanket chest, a baby bassinet, and a couple other small items. I am new to the selling end and am feeling my way through what is a good price…

          • Donna Yates

            Claudia,
            I’ve done etsy since Dec. 2010 and had pretty good success. It does take time to find items to sell and to learn how to price, about shipping, how to photo well, etc. I seem to be having more success as time goes by as I think it takes time for people to find you. I haven’t had success with ebay. Maybe I just haven’t had the right things to sell. As far as finding good finds, I have gone to garage sales, estate sales, but my best finds were by placing ads on craigslist asking for vintage clothing. Once I was contacted by a lady who’s mother had passed away and she literally had a 3000 sq ft house full of clothing, shoes, hats, belts, you name it. I didn’t know where to start! I probably purchased 200 pieces of clothing and have sold almost all. I have also met a lot of really nice people along the way. My problem in the south is that there doesn’t seem to be as many places that keep the vintage clothes. I have been told that up north,there are more places where you can purchase items. Maybe I just need to take a trip!! As far as the work involved, it does take time, but if you like it like I do, it’s fun.
            I share your love of antiques but I too am scaling back. Right now, I’m also working on making a couple of old tables out of salvaged wood and old sewing machine wrought iron legs. Another fun project! I’ll sell these once there made. Again, if I could make a livable living out of these things I love, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

          • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

            Donna,
            ads on craigslist asking for vintage clothing was a genius idea!

            Yea, there are a LOT of vintage clothes around here, especially in the city… So, I guess you will just have to make the trip up sometime and stop by while your at it! ;)

            That is so cool that you found something that you love doing! I wonder how you could make a decent living doing that… have you tossed around any hairbrained ideas as to how you could??

            i know of a guy (my parents do actually) that makes mirrors from old barn wood and then sells them to a huge store like Anthropologie or something. He does really well from it!

      • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

        ooohhhh Alana!… this gets me excited as well!!

        What is your first “yes” going to be? ;)

    • http://rise365.com/ Michael Good

      Donna,
      The more I experience and the more I learn from others, I too think there isn’t just one thing we’re to do. I think there are many different ways we could live out our calling.

      However, I do think as we go through life we can get closer and closer to what better fits us, what makes us come alive even more!

      It’s funny, growing up, I always thought it respectable and best to be “consistant” and stick one job or one place to live for a long time. I thought of it like a badge of honor to say you worked the same job for 30 years. Hey, if you love your job, great! But, that wasn’t how it played out in my head.

      I now see my life more as a living organism. It’s something that moves and breathes and needs to be trained and conditioned. There will be highs and lows, constantly moving to make better “art” and serve people better.

      • Donna Yates

        Well said Michael!

        ________________________________
        From: Disqus
        To: dpyates@yahoo.com
        Sent: Monday, May 21, 2012 4:50 PM
        Subject: [rise365] Re: Are You Born With It?

        Disqus generic email template

        Michael Good wrote, in response to Donna Yates:
        Donna,
        The more I experience and the more I learn from others, I too think there isn’t just one thing we’re to do. I think there are many different ways we could live out our calling.

        However, I do think as we go through life we can get closer and closer to what better fits us, what makes us come alive even more!

        It’s funny, growing up, I always thought it respectable and best to be “consistant” and stick one job or one place to live for a long time. I thought of it like a badge of honor to say you worked the same job for 30 years. Hey, if you love your job, great! But, that wasn’t how it played out in my head.

        I now see my life more as a living organism. It’s something that moves and breathes and needs to be trained and conditioned. There will be highs and lows, constantly moving to make better “art” and serve people better.
        Link to comment

  • http://alanamokma.wordpress.com/ Alana Mokma

    Ohmygosh, SUCH a good question! I don’t know the answer either, Claudia. Like you said, some people just seem to know from a young age what they want to do… My dad was one of them. At age 6 he started drawing. He absolutely loved to draw. As a teenager, he began getting gigs drawing concert posters for local bands. In his early 20′s, he applied to teach at a local community college, teaching Illustration. He had no training other than high school. His dad made fun of him for even applying for the job. He got it, and has been teaching at that college ever since – at LEAST 32 years! He also put both my sister and I through private Christian school and supported our family as an artist.

    Me on the other hand… I’m “only” 31, but I’m still searching, trying to find that ONE THING that I absolutely love and was created to do. I have read that my personality type tends to be “good” at doing a lot of things and in turn will struggle to find the one thing he/she is passionate about.

    If you end up learning more on this topic, please share! I very much desire to learn what I’m supposed to be doing. I enjoy inspiring people and networking… is that too broad?

    • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

      Alana,
      I love this stuff too… !! :)

      Your dad’s story is cool! I love how he kept pursuing his dream even without the support or even with the discouragement of his dad. Courageous!
      Just out of curiosity… what personality type is your dad… do you know?
      You know… I would venture to say that once you get into a more creative atmosphere (i.e. out of your tough job atmosphere) you will be able to think clearer and sort through what you enjoy and don’t enjoy more. Michael and I have both found that to be true! We can now create an environment that is supportive and creative rather than being “stuck” in an environment that is toxic and negative.
      I am saying this knowing that you want to branch out into starting your own biz ;) I know Dan Miller talks about just taking advantage of one of your skills to get you out of a job situation and then it creates more room to breathe and think outside the box if you will. Then through experience you figure out what you enjoy vs. don’t enjoy.
      Another life experience for us was… we couldn’t really think creatively till we actually drew a line in the sand and said “Michael is going to quit his job by Jan 1st” At that point we actually started to think of ideas of how to get him out of there and start his own business.
      Oh boy, that ended up being a rave about entrepreneurship – which I am a huge fan of btw :) but anyway…
      I don’t think inspiring people and networking is to broad! That is a great platform to start on!!
      blessings as you pursue your dreams Alana! Excited to see where you go from here!!!!!

  • http://www.fatherofone.com/ Michael Wright

    I like the pic with the post – does that imply that Writers are higher on the ladder than doctors and lawyers?!? I think we are born with a special-ness or calling, but as Ann has stated, childhood wounds can take a person off course. The calling is still there. You nephew sounds like a cool kid – the next Tony Hsieh ?

    • http://rise365.com/ Michael Good

      I’d like to think that writers are higher on the ladder, Michael. Hey, to be a doc or a lawyer, you just have to do the wrok and stick with it. To be a writer, you have to create something from nothing.

      Of course, I may be biased. :)

      Reading “Delivering Happiness” made me think of our nephew. Great kid!

  • AnnetteDarityGarber

    Hmm… Great question, Claudia! I certainly don’t know the answer as to why some people are singlemindedly driven while others seemingly wander throughout life. Yet I’m not convinced that wandering is a worse path to follow. After all, there are those who have singlemindedly followed a childhood dream with passion and determination only to watch those dreams shatter due to a terminal illness or serious accident. And there are also those who have come to the end of their life journey having reached their dreams for success, only to discover they are not fulfilled, but lonely, stressed, or depressed.

    I think sometimes it is the wandering soul that discerns the path ahead, learns from the path behind, and after walking various paths, finds himself or herself living a life worth living. This is not to say that those who have a clear dream and have followed it are not living a worthy life. Both the singleminded and the dreamer can find contentment and purpose and both can escape it.

    So what is this wandering soul trying to say? I fear that some people get stuck on “what is that ONE thing I am to be doing that will give my life purpose?” And perhaps there is not just one answer. Perhaps finding real purpose comes more from our relationships, our willingness to serve and bless others, and a connection to our Creator, no matter what we do from 9 to 5.

    Perhaps an additional question we can ask ourselves is will our dreams bring true fulfillment and are we willing to hold them with an openness to evolve as grow and mature?

    • Donna Yates

      Great insight!

      ________________________________

    • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

      Annette,
      You have posed some wonderful thoughts here! I think your “wandering” has given you great perspective on life and the ability to draw wisdom from many different areas.

      I agree that many do get stuck on the ONE THING… and by focusing only on figuring out this one thing years and years of their life pass. I like Dan Miller’s thoughts on the topic. He says to just get out there, use your abilities and you will learn as you go.

      Many people do have many interests and it seems the seasons of life for many seem to facilitate this as long as they are open to change.

      Something about the passionate single minded person driven like a moth to flame intrigues me however and I am constantly curious as to what drives people forward… while others remain silent and still…

      • AnnetteDarityGarber

        I was re-reading your comment here and thought perhaps we are talking about two different things. One, a life “calling” or “dream”. And the other, drive, energy, ambition, growth. I wonder if we can have one without the other. I can think of people who have dreams but lack the energy or know-how to pursue them. And I imagine there are others who lack a clear direction in life but contain passion, energy, and a desire to grow. I suppose you asking why certain people seem to have both… A clear dream and passion! I imagine our childhoods (and individual personlities) do have a lot to do with how we discover the things that make us “tick” and then how we (or if we) pursue them.

        Great discussion, friend!

        • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

          Annette,
          I think you hit on a key point… discovering things that make us “tick” and how (or if) we pursue them. I think most people might skim the surface in these areas but end there and don’t go any further.

          I think it HAS to all be tied together,… personality, childhoods, influential people, interests. It seems the people that get far in their pursuit don’t give up on the dream/calling that drives them even if they hit hardships. And they also realize that it takes on different “clothing” if you will. It can look different at different points in your life.

          I am combining dreams and calling, because I think they are so closely related. I think our calling is like the skeleton and our dreams are like the skin :)

  • http://www.180coach.com/ Rob Clinton

    Great questions Claudia, and a challenging one for sure. I’m going to lean towards conditioning.

    I believe we’re all creators and are able to pursue dreams like we’re on fire, but something squanders many of us, and it can go back as far as before 5 years old.
    We were meant to flourish and be who we were designed to be, and we either restrict that in people or allow them to embrace their potential when their young… Your Nephew appears to have a conducive environment, where he’s encourage by his talents, and I’m sure about the value of money, so he keeps doing it.
    Those who were squandered over time, either stay that way and continue being buried deeper throughout life, or one day something clicks; they hear something, watch something, or someone shows them something, and they start to wake up and realize that there is a hidden potential waiting to come forth.
    We all have it;;; All of us have it… If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be here… It’s the Light within each and every one of us that gives us life.

    • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

      Rob,
      I really appreciate your comment here.
      You pose some great insights!

      I often hear people that had a rough or unsupported childhood and have gone on to achieve success talk about someone that spoke life into their lives and it giving them the courage to pursue their dream.

      Conditioning and our environment plays such a major role. It has to. We are relational beings and are affected by what goes on around us.

      I’m sure you are constantly thinking of this as a parent… I know I am :)

      • http://www.180coach.com/ Rob Clinton

        Amen to that! And I think me being a parent has sort of helped steered me in the direction of how I need to be intentional with the environment I give my children, and what I allow to enter their minds… It’s still a huge learning curve,,, So much is battling for their attentions….

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  • http://daddydifference.com/ Ryan Ash

    You’ve posed a great question that I REALLY wish that I knew the answer to! So, if you figure it out, let me know! I think for me, I just drifted along following the money until that stopped working. When that stopped working was when I was still trying to grow, but others around me didn’t want me to grow any more. That’s what I’ve been dealing with for a number of years, so I’m looking forward to starting to follow my passions more in the future.

    • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

      Ryan,
      I will!
      Interesting! The sign of a true entrepreneur… always seeing more potential!
      Wow, I think you are about ready to explode into something exceptional! So very excited for you and Ashley and where you are headed! You two are inspiring, that’s for sure!

      • http://daddydifference.com/ Ryan Ash

        Sometimes I feel more like a balloon that looked great, and was ready to soar away into the skies, but it was tied to a string too long until it lost all of its “lift”. I try to keep a steady stream of “lift” coming into my life, and I’m looking forward to getting filled back up next month! So excited!!!!!

        • http://rise365.com Claudia Good

          Ryan,
          I think once you are a little less busy you will have your “lift” back :) Just like a plant that needs some water you will rise up with new life!

          Very excited to see you guys as well!

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