I’m reading an interesting book right now by Kevin Lehman on parenting titled Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down. Through years of counseling parents, Lehman has found that every person, by default, parents just as they were parented – unless they learn how and decide to change.
He points out that our default mode is so powerful that many parents find themselves saying and doing the exact things they said they would never say and do to their children. And they hate themselves for it.
The point here is that just deciding we want to change isn’t enough. We actually have to reprogram our minds with new information. Otherwise our default mode always trumps.
This hits hard in the heart of any parent or entrepreneur because we see first hand how our thinking affects the success of what we are trying so hard to shape, whether it be a healthy family or a healthy business.
The thing is, most of us assume our default mode is OK (as long as we don’t have any outstanding addictions or personality flaws). And therefore, we float through life never challenging our default way of viewing the world and our place in it.
But what if our default mode is actually faulty?
What if our default mode is keeping us from connecting with our friends or spouse in a meaningful way?
What if our default mode is keeping us cloaked in depression or self destructive habits?
What if our default mode makes us hold unrealistic expectations for ourselves and everyone around us?
What if our default mode keeps us spewing out anger on those we love?
What if our default mode leaves us constantly stressed and frustrated with no peace of mind?
What if our default mode keeps us from taking any chances and doing anything of real importance or purpose?
We all must realize that our default mode might very well be extremely faulty. And in fact, it might be hindering us from a full and enjoyable life.
Only through deep introspection, and exposure to new thoughts, ideas, and people, can we recognize when our default modes are faulty and work at changing them.
I never knew mine were one bit faulty until I started reading, writing, listening to podcasts, getting counseling, and expanding my social circles. I just thought everyone else was faulty.
My challenge to all of us is to make sure we are constantly checking our default settings by lining them up against new and healthy knowledge. See if your settings are keeping you on target for who you want to be as a parent and an entrepreneur, or if they are leading you down the wrong path.
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